The Beholder

The Art of Being Beautiful

Being

You

Until Full

My journey of self-love is an ongoing process.

Will I ever be able to love myself fully?

Will I ever be satisfied with my beauty?

I remember those days they called me ugly and fat. I remember those days I felt less than and all I could do was cry. Crybaby they shouted! Obnoxious and dramatic they added in.

When will I ever be good enough?

For myself and others?

I remember those days, "Butter never used to melt in my mouth." A quiet and timid child I was. I believe they enjoyed not hearing a peep from me. They enjoyed the fact that I obeyed every command. Little did they know that God had a master plan.

What will it take for people to just see me for me?

Will they ever want to know Dede?

Will I ever want to know me?

Beautiful- a term to describe a person, place, or thing that is deemed attractive or appealing.

Give me second I am healing.

I am learning.

To Just Be.

Without A Question.

Me.

In Unison They Say, "Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder."

Well who is the beholder?

Is the beholder me or you?

I am the beholder. I am the being that holds and possesses all of my beauty from the outside, in. Even if you are on the outside looking in. It is me who is the judge of my own person.

It is me who visualizes and examines my beauty. I am the judge.

Behold!

Being In Hold Of Your Own Life. Being You.

Wait.

Am I being you?

Or Am I being me?

They say just be you.

Sometimes being you is hard. There are many scars that has brought me thus far, making it difficult for me to see the moons and the stars.

Therefore I would rather just be me. Neferdede. The only queen I can be.

It was you that called me all of those foul names. You brought shame and pain. As I reiterate again and again I am not the same.

I am changed !

I have grown since then. It was those moments of self hatred that has made me into the individual I am today. At times I still feel sad and lonely. Thinking I am the only. The only young woman going through this shit! I am not though. I need to fix my bifocals and see clearly.

There are many young girls around the world you have moments where they don't feel beautiful. Feelings of not amounting to nothing or not being what society says is okay.

Nowadays I find myself making valid arguments and standing up for what I believe in. Instead of hiding my pain and the weight that I carry day after day.

I just want to be me.

Solely

Written By, Neferdede

P.S. To all of my young Queens & Kings, find your voice. It's okay to be loud and proud while standing tall. You are more than enough. Those darkest moments and times in your life will make sense in the future. God only gives you mess to bring your message to the light. Those struggles and hardships youface are a testament to your testimony. Don't be so quick to say I give up. Weeping may endure for a moment. Yet joy will come in the morning.

Thanks For Reading

-StylistaInMind