My Non-Conforming Attitude
Hate It Or Love It !
Being a quiet child that was timid and unaware of myself made me who I am today. I was able to experience a side of me that was silent, still observant, and insecure. I am thankful to have went through a stage like that in my life. Today I am no longer that mute, sad, shy, little girl who was afraid of attention. However at times in my adulthood I find myself biting my tongue to keep quiet. I am one willing to speak my mind when it is necessary.
I grew up knowing the typical standards in an African household. Women are to be submissive and not too loud. I was told that when I speak too loud it takes away from my beauty. Til this very day I still think about that statement. It will remain with me until my voice gets louder and I am able to help a young girl who is struggling to have her voice heard.
As author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie thoughtfully states,
"We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: "You can have ambition but not too much. You should aim to be successful but not too successful. Otherwise, you will threaten the man." Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices, always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now, marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support, but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same. We raise girls to see each other as competitors. Not for jobs or for accomplishments. Which I think can be a good thing. But for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are."
(The powerful voice heard in Beyoncé's hottest single Flawless was that of the brilliant writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.)
As I go through my everyday life I am constantly revealing new aspects about myself. It all starts to make sense once I start to connect the dots.
How can I be comfortable in my skin, wear what I want, speak up and say what I want whenever I want, be as carefree and sexual as I want without your own family and society constantly placing labels on you?
- Why is it that a female's value in society is based on how many men she has encountered?
- Why is it that, it's okay for the male to get a pass on encountering several hundred women and be diagnosed as a Sex-Addict? Yet a woman is Slut Shamed for her actions? Society is a place I want no parts in. I am happier when I don't have to constantly think about questions like these and do what I most certainly please.
1.) You have to form the mindset of being UNBOTHERED & CAREFREE. Don't let others perception of who you are supposed to be stop you from being who you truly are.
2.) You are living your life for you and no one else. It's a sad situation being that your parents watch your every move making sure you don't embarrass them in the eyes of other people. I've always wondered why my parents care so much about what others think. When can I live my life solely without letting the opinions and comments of others bother me. Stop living your life just to make your parents happy. You're happiness and understanding of SELF-LOVE is significant!
3.) It's not selfish to care about yourself first before others. It's PURE, RAW, UNAPOLOGETIC, RADICAL SELF-LOVE ! Try it don't be afraid of it !
4.) Society will always want you to be mainstream, mediocre, "#BASIC." However that is a person I cannot and will not step down to be.
5.) Just Be ! Be You, Be Free, Exist on this planet Earth however you desire.
Beauty in our society is a struggle for women of color, women with excess weight, women with less than average weight, and women who just cannot find themselves beautiful because society said so. These are all struggles girls at an early age go through into their adulthood. This week I sat down and questioned why the fashion industry and beauty industry don't advertise for women like myself. Or atleast showcase the diversity in a females beauty.
On social media fashion sites I see the same story being sold over and over. It's sickening actually. Why can't I make a mood board and be able to locate African images or Curvy Stylistas on a site like Polyvore. I see the same "Tory Burch, Michael Kors, European, Minimal" Aesthetic used constantly. Company's like ASOS Curve do not showcase us women of Color to model their clothing. WHY? I'm actually really hurt. Being that I want to work in the Fashion Industry, yet there is a small cluster of women of color making a difference. The fashion industry is still white washed and only choose the darkest skinned model to strut in their garment. Women of color come in all shades. As well as all sizes. This is a conversation that bothers me to the point that I myself need to step up and make a change.